No... I haven't seen Frozen. This post isn't about an adorable snowman or a princess/queen with anger issues or whatever that movie has going on. It is related to my current struggle in life- to let it go and let God take control. To accept that he is walking with me, not carrying me through every battle. Sometimes mind over matter is a little hard to deal with, especially when you're a control freak.
Five years ago if someone would have told me the kind of Christian I would become I probably would have giggled. I was the type of person who attended church, occasionally prayed to God, and rolled my eyes when we prayed before a meal. I wasn't understanding, I wasn't very spiritual or faithful either. Not many events had happened in my life to doubt the power of God, I just hadn't put my life and soul into my beliefs.
I'm not sure if going away to college made it all happen or if it was possibly doing yoga and meditating, but my mind and soul has completely changed. When I'm angry or struggling with anything, instead of letting my attitude become completely terrible I send it UP. I pray. I pray that whatever I'm dealing with will pass, that I can overcome my attitude with God's love, that I can look out into the world and know that there is someone in a situation far worse than mine with a better attitude. I have learned to take the time to inwardly reflect on what some external stimulus has stirred up. This has helped me to grow not only as a young adult, but a Christian who loves the Lord more than I ever thought I could. I look forward to church so I can hear the message that I can apply to my modern lifestyle, I pray multiple times a day for many different reasons, and I give thanks for my food because I'm grateful to even have a meal before me.
With all of that being said, I still have a difficult time letting it go. Don't get me wrong, I know how much better I will feel and how many miracles God can work in your life... but I feel like I don't get to be in control when I let it go. That scares me. Putting the situation out of my hands means that I don't know what the next step will be or where I am going. It's like letting someone put their hands over your eyes and lead you through an obstacle course. I suppose that's where the faith and trust comes in. I'm currently struggling to become more independent and learn how to be financially responsible. I need a new job, I need money to pay my car payment, and I need to be able to pay for gas. After next Thursday I don't know if I will have a guaranteed job for the summer and quite frankly- I'm terrified.
This morning on my way to work I silently prayed a few times for a good day with a good attitude and that everything would work out. I felt better for a few minutes and then the anxiety would creep back in. It's intimidating how easily God's calm can be disturbed by Satan's anxiety. The power he has over everyone is enough for me to say another prayer and return to my blissful bubble. I also read my favorite Bible verse this morning, Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Instantly my mind was cleared. All of the trials and issues I'm facing right now are not much different than obstacles others have faced in the past and all I have to do is know that the Lord has plans for me. He already has my life planned out and is allowing me to make my mistakes, not to harm me, but to allow me to be hopeful and look towards a future.
Today I will continue to reflect on this verse, pray a little harder, and know that everything will be okay.
Stick around for my Reset update coming later today. :)
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